Quick post stop before I go out again. Went Bluewater today with Nanny, Grandad, Mummy and Aunty. Grandad's birthday shopping spree, jealous seh I ni haha!

I desperately need to speak to him but I don't want to betray my friend. He's the only one I've ever opened up to and poured my heart out to, my safety net, my pillow to cry on, my tissue or wipe my tears away: fuck I sound like an emo freak. Ok stop stop stop. Anyway, I need him but I can't betray a friend? Or can I? It's jealousy, she's green with envy and red with rage. Some people will do any damn thing to separate you from someone whom you are close to and who you need. What do I do?

So many internal issues but I can't talk about them on here, that's why I created my private blog hehe. But anyway you know who you are and you know I need you right now. Ever since me and Amir broke apart I depend on you but I can't take the hate that I'm getting from my girl my so-called friend. The thing is boy, she loves you apparently more than I do but no one can love you how much I love you. You said that you love me and I know you do, I love you too but you know. I won't let anything happen and I can't just crush and devistate her amongst others too, as much as I want to sometimes.

Moving swiftly on, I'm going to see Meet the Spartans or Game Plan tomorrow but I'll always have you in my head. I really want to be with you but I'm not sure it's the best thing well not yet anyway I guess it's still debateable. But so much things have been going on especially yesterday and I tried to drown it all out with my love of music and art. I tried my hardest to use the music to deafen my ears to what was happening and I tried to channel my sadness in to art and creativity but something still didn't seem right. As much as I tried to ignore what was going on I knew that it was unavoidable but I'm just glad it's all over- or is it just a coverup for something that is worse to come?

Omg so paiseh this morning my mother actually called me Mrs.Alyph! I was like "NO!" don't call me that and I told her "Mother! That's not me, that's my girl Fana and Aryna's name and I don't want it. I'd rather you call me Mrs. Chris Brown" and we just cracked up laughing. My grandad just adores Syarif's voice! Yes Syarif from Sleeq. We were on the way to Bluewater and "Sederhana" by Syarif from Sleeq came on and he couldn't stop complimenting it! I was amazed because my grandfather loves the keronchong and I didn't think he would like Sleeq- but it does. OMG!

I have to go, well I don't but I could just carry on forever and I'll update about the whole week another time. I wore 5 inch heels to go shopping for 6 hours today and my feet are killing me.

Labels: alyph hiatus, random

˜Rhiandoll. }